Stagnant

It's been 4 years since the last time I posted an entry and it feels like a whole lifetime has passed and yet everything remains exactly the same.  I find myself without a job once more, falling into that hopelessness.  As I sit and reflect on my life these past four years, I can honestly say that there isn't one single thing that I have accomplished that I am proud of.  How is it possible that I have ended up where I never wanted to be? I am 25 years old, still living at home, miserable at that.  I have no job, no career, no boyfriend (which I know doesn't say much, but tell that to my parents).  

It wasn't so long ago that the world was a place of possibilities and adventure and now it is merely a place where I am trying to survive.  I know that change is within me but I don't know where to begin.  

I'm so full of anger and resentment, mostly at myself and my parents.  I'm angry that I wasn't set up for success, that my parents didn't set the groundwork to encourage me to pursue what I wanted, to believe in myself, but most of all to never give up.  I wish that this road wasn't so hard for me.  That I didn't feel this way, instead I was completely happy and successful.  But wishing for things to be different would mean wishing to be somebody that I am not.  And I am not about to give up, not yet.  I've got fight left in me, and passion, ardor to succeed.  It's what I've wanted more than anything my entire life, to succeed.  So watch out world.  Judy has arrived.