Why do I feel such pity and self-loathing for myself?? I feel like I've been living with a black cloud hovering over my head for the past few days.

I am so confused about my life. I am so afraid about making the wrong career decision, afraid that I'll regret the choice later on in my life. So instead I let myself be influenced by everything else but myself. What do I want to do?? I can't be sincere about the answer because If I am, I will have another change of heart, and I don't think I could handle that.

I really do want to go to law school. I can do anything I want with a law degree, meaning I can either practice law, for the state, for a firm, or go into busniness for myself. Or, I can go into international relations, or work for the United Nations, or for the U.S. Embassy.

But after I convince myself that law is what I want to do, I still have to deal with how hard it is to get accepted into a decent law school. I think that it might be too late to straighten out my academic record. I have fucked up one too many times. I don't know what it is that keeps me from succeeding. I think that maybe, I'm just scared to fail when I do succeed, so I sabotage the whole opperation, letting myself down sooner, rather than later. And that's the sad part, It's all within me. Maybe this time, I can defeat my demons to save myself. This is my last chance.

God, I feel like crying. But it won't fix anything will it?